The Asian American Myth: Effort Leads to Outcomes

Working hard is not enough to succeed.

Working hard is not enough.

Growing up as a child of Asian immigrants, I was raised to believe that if you work hard in America, you can succeed. That this country is all about “pulling yourself up by your bootstraps” and “keeping your nose to the grindstone” because anything is possible. Our parents came here thinking that this was a meritocracy and that if you put in the effort, you will reap the rewards. Now I’m old enough to recognize that all of that is bullshit. Those of us who see it, are well aware of the systemic racism in this country that prevents people of color from ever reaching the top. Others will continue to push the lie that anyone can make it in this country and point to the one or two statistical outliers of success. Immigrants have to work harder than anyone in this country, because they start off with a huge disadvantage of not speaking the right language, being the right skin color, understanding mainstream culture and most likely not having very much money. Plenty of people steal credit for the work of immigrants, because they are easy targets and they don’t know how the game is played. I saw this myself when my dad would continue to get passed over for promotions even when his ideas were being touted by his managers as their own. I still hear about this phenomenon happening every day to many Asian Americans in their places of work. But crying or complaining about it isn’t going to change anything, because if you don’t stand up and advocate for yourself, why should anyone else? This essay isn’t about how to level the playing field, it’s about how you can win in spite of the field being uneven to begin with.

Assuming you will be successful because you are smart or because you put in the hours at work is a fool’s game.

When it comes to success, Asians suffer from two sides of the same coin. On the one side, we are too proud to ask for help. On the other side, we are too humble to promote ourselves. In order to get ahead, you need be willing to ask for help and to leverage your network to find allies. You also need to advocate for yourself and make sure others know what you’ve been doing. It doesn’t matter how hard you work if no one ever knows about it. When it comes to successful outcomes, there are many things that are out of your control. If your boss or an investor is biased, it’s tough to change that. You also can only make so many excuses, if you choose to remain in a situation that is untenable, you have no one to blame but yourself. What you can do, however, are things that are in your control to improve your probability of success. Set yourself up to win.

Ask for Help

Very few people in this world succeed alone. Almost everyone who makes it, has had to rely on others to get there. We are led to believe that you can make it on your own if you put in the effort, because we assume that people will recognize and reward that effort. What happens if no one sees it or acknowledges it? What if someone takes credit for that effort? I have learned that most people who succeed in life, tend to get there because of their network and who helped them along the way, not only because they put in 100 hour weeks. You can work all you want at Goldman Sachs, but the guy who calls up a buddy from his Princeton Eating Club is more likely to get that promotion than you are. I don’t know when it happened or if it was explicitly ingrained in me, but for as long as I can remember, I felt like I had to do things on my own and not ask for help. It was almost as if I couldn’t do it without any help, then I shouldn’t even bother trying. The Asian culture frowns upon showing weakness to others, and nothing screams weakness louder than asking someone else for help. Admitting you need help can only lead to moving forward, and there’s nothing wrong with that.

Sometimes you need a little help to get to the finish line.

Ultimately it’s pride and cultural baggage that holds us back. If we only realized how much others get ahead because of their connections, we wouldn’t think twice about reaching out. Asking for an introduction or for consideration isn’t the same as asking for a handout. I wrote an essay titled Your Network Determines Your Success More Than You Realize that outlines how important it is to build and rely on your network. If I didn’t have my network, I know I wouldn’t be able to do half the things I am doing today. I wouldn’t have been able to raise money for my startup without my network. I wouldn’t have my Hyphen Capital syndicate without my network. I wouldn’t be able to take a stand against Asian hate without my network. Always invest in building relationships and connecting with people. In order to do that, you need to…

Get Out of Your Bubble

It’s easy to stay in your comfort zones and stick with people you know. There’s nothing wrong with surrounding yourself in a safe group. But growth doesn’t come when you’re in a place of comfort. You can only grow if you expand and meet new challenges and people. It’s like when you play any sport, you only improve if you’re up against competition that’s better than you. They force you to raise the level of your game and stretch you beyond what you thought you were capable of. Asian culture is very family and community oriented, which means it can be intimidating to venture outside of your group. But the more you take risks, the more you will be rewarded with individuals in your life that will push you and teach you. Join any number of different professional or industry groups (YPO, YEP, AAMA) or your company employee resource group, volunteer for causes you care about, reach out to people you admire and ask to be mentored; there are many ways you can break out of your daily routine and status quo. If you want to grow, make yourself uncomfortable.

Advocate for Yourself

An old Chinese adage is to “eat bitter” (吃苦), meaning to endure hardship and persevere in order to stay focused and achieve your goals. This is something our parents taught us so we wouldn’t complain so much when we had to finish our homework or practice violin. While it’s true that you always need to put in the work, “eating bitter” tells us to stay begrudgingly silent and hope that your effort will be appreciated.

“The squeaky wheel gets the grease” is an old American adage. Those who get ahead usually bring attention upon themselves to ensure they are getting recognition or credit. As unfair as it may sound, it doesn’t matter how hard you work, if no one ever notices you’re the one doing it. Many Asians were raised to believe if we keep our heads down and do the work, we will be acknowledged, but that is rarely true. Someone else often takes the credit for that work if you don’t. Asian culture teaches us to not draw attention to ourselves and to not rock the boat. This is why so many Asians in the American workforce are overlooked for promotions and missing from the executive ranks. If you aren’t advocating for yourself, why should anyone else?

Many mediocre people have gotten ahead because they are confident and draw the spotlight on themselves. I’m not suggesting that you need to become an arrogant and overbearing person, but take credit where credit is due. Always make sure others know about your contributions and results. Whether that means presenting your work in a public manner or making it clear in correspondence to a wider audience, take ownership your work. If someone else tries to steal credit for your effort, don’t just let it slide, call it out. Why shouldn’t people assume you’re a pushover, if you let them push you over? If you are still not getting credit for your work and are being passed over for promotions despite your efforts, it’s time to find a new job, because it’s very likely you’ve hit the bamboo ceiling there. No matter how much effort you put in, you cannot succeed there, because bias is blocking your way.

Find Your Swag

There are plenty of mediocre people out there that have done well by overselling themselves. You’ve no doubt met these people before in your career, the guys who are overconfident and yet have little to back it up with. They can walk into a room with a straight face and present numbers that are hardly rooted in reality. Despite that, they exude a boldness and fearlessness that can be convincing and persuasive. Whether it’s lack of self-awareness or an intention to mislead, they have no problems dreaming big and pumping up numbers to identify the true believers (or suckers). Asian Americans, on the other hand, have the opposite problem. We’ve been told to always be modest and underpromise but overdeliver. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with that in most contexts, but knowing when to be humble and when to have swag is critical to your success in life. I despise arrogance, especially from less than impressive people, more than anything. But there is a fine line between arrogance and confidence. Sometimes you need to project confidence to win people over, especially if you are fundraising or asking for a promotion. People want to follow a leader who is confident, but you don’t have to be an asshole to have confidence. Be confident in what you know and back it up with data. If you don’t know something, admit you don’t know it and learn, because people respect a leader who is self-aware and knows what they don’t know.

This guy always believes he’s the smartest person in the room, even when he isn’t.

I find that many Asian American founders tend to pitch extremely conservative projections and estimates. Their white male counterparts wouldn’t think twice about inflating their numbers to unrealistic levels, because they actually believe they are achievable (even if not rooted in reality whatsoever). There is a healthy place in between those extremes that you can show self-confidence but not delusion. Look at what you’ve accomplished, despite the odds, and give yourself more credit in your own ability to achieve. Stop making yourself seem small as a sign of respect and start standing tall. That filial piety stuff might work when meeting your boyfriend or girlfriend’s parents, but it doesn’t get you very far here. You have every right to be in every room you’re in, and don’t let anyone else make you feel differently. If they do, then you make sure to call them out and put them in their place, even if they’re a venture capitalist you’re asking money from (you probably won’t get their check anyway). Some will act like they know all the answers, when they obviously do not know more about your business or work than you do. That’s their job, and some of them are so full of themselves that they actually believe they know all the answers. People respect someone who stands up for what they know and believe in more than someone who backs down and cowers when intimidated. Know your value and what you bring to the table and make sure everyone else in the room knows it too.

Stop making yourself seem small as a sign of respect and start standing tall. That filial piety stuff might work when meeting your boyfriend or girlfriend’s parents, but it doesn’t get you very far here.

You Don’t Need to Be Perfect

Many of us have been raised to believe you have to be perfect before you can do anything. Anything less than 100% is failure. When you get a 97% on an exam, it isn’t, “Great job on getting 97 out of 100 right!”, it’s “What happened to the other three points?”. We have been programmed to fear imperfection and are ashamed of making mistakes or failing. This mentality prevents Asians from taking risks or chances. We need to deprogram ourselves of this need to be perfect because we will never achieve perfection. There’s no such thing as getting a 1600 in life. You can’t wait to launch your product or start your firm when you think everything is just right. We need to think like Reid Hoffman, co-founder of LinkedIn, “If you’re not embarrassed by the first version of your product, you’ve launched too late.” I remember thinking that I needed to get to a certain rung on the executive ladder before I could start a company, because I was afraid I wouldn’t be “ready”. The only way to be ready to start a company is when you start a company. You can’t be perfect, but people can help you get closer. Once you’ve taken the leap, you will be able to receive feedback and constructive criticism on how you can be better. We’re all works in progress, and the sooner you realize that, the more risks you’ll be willing to take.

Being smart and working hard is table stakes. Those things don’t guarantee you anything. But they can lead you to a world of frustration and bitterness if you think you deserve things that you don’t have. Assuming you will be successful because you are smart or because you put in the hours at work is a fool’s game. I hate to break it to you, but there are a lot of people smarter than you and that work harder, that are no more successful than you are. Success isn’t just about financial gain, it’s about gaining recognition and respect, it’s about being able to make an impact in the world. When you start to realize that you will never be perfect and ask for help by reaching outside of your comfort zones, you will find your swag and be a better advocate for yourself. Only then will you have the confidence and access to open doors that will lead to the outcomes you’re hoping for.