How the Immigrant Scarcity Mindset Holds Us Back

Asian Americans are caught between two worlds and need to adapt in order to play the game successfully and win in Corporate America.

When my parents immigrated to America from Taiwan in the late 1960s, they didn’t know a soul, not even each other. They came to the United States for graduate school as a result of the Immigration and Naturalizaton Act of 1965, which eliminated the old quota system that gave preference to western Europeans. My mother went to Fresno, California and my dad went to Tulsa, Oklahoma. Other immigrants have much more harrowing stories of coming to this country as refugees who escaped oppressive regimes in Southeast Asia. The shared a commonality of all of these new immigrants from Asia was that they came to this country with little to nothing and had to work odd jobs to make ends meet. Most of them barely spoke any English, but they still had to find ways to provide for themselves and their families. Every penny counted and they could not afford to spend on any luxuries or non-essentials. Back home, they grew up in war-torn countries and suffered under occupation or corrupt regimes that took everything away from them in an instant. It became ingrained in them to hoard everything and only look out for their own, because they had already lost it all once before. An entire generation of immigrants from Asia believe that there is no such thing as disposable income. 

Our parents’ generational trauma is not talked about enough (because it is culturally taboo), but it has been passed down to us in less discreet ways. Although they sacrificed everything for our generation to thrive, our parents imbued in us a scarcity mindset. A scarcity mindset is when you believe resources like time or money are limited. It views life as a finite zero-sum pie, and if someone takes a piece, there is less for everyone else. A scarcity mindset causes a hyper-fixation on what you don’t have, and leads to short-term coping instead of long-term problem-solving. It can paralyze you and cause mental health issues from anxiety and stress. 

An abundance and growth mindset is one where you see more choices, more opportunities, and more resources in your life. An abundance mindset sees the world as having enough for everybody, not a finite amount. It allows you to believe that you can continue to grow the pie and have a win-win mentality in any situation.

Filial piety is a core tenet of Asian cultures, and we were raised to respect our parents wishes from the day we were born. With that comes the burden of obligation to repay their sacrifices by being obedient children who honor them with the choices in our lives, including our careers. They gave us everything so that we could have the financial security and stability that they never had. Unfortunately, we also inherited the mindset of playing it safe and oftentimes settling for the bare minimum. We were rarely encouraged to dream big, because that was impractical American Hollywood nonsense. While other kids were encouraged by their parents to shoot for the stars, our parents were telling us to shoot for a stable and secure government job. There is a sense of guilt associated with pursuing unconventional career choices or taking big risks that betrays our parents sacrifice, as if we’re “throwing it all away.” Aspiring to be a CEO, NBA player or Senator was out of the question, because there were few to no examples of that growing up. Our ambitions were demoted to accountant, engineer, lawyer or doctor; careers that were more realistically attainable in our parents minds. As much as we’d like to blame the bamboo ceiling for holding Asians back in their careers, we have to take responsibility for limiting our own aspirations and not advocating ourselves. In some ways, we have no one else to blame when others take advantage of us. 

Workhorses Not Racehorses

The numbers are clear, Asians are great worker bees and individual contributors (ICs), but they rarely get promoted to leadership or executive roles. This can partially be attributed to implicit bias by management, but it can also be because we often don’t stand out from the crowd. We were raised to believe that hard work and effort are enough to get recognition, but that simply isn’t how the real world works. The stereotype is that Asians are just a perfect SAT score and GPA, but nothing of substance beyond that. We are workhorses, but not racehorses. Asians show up every day, grind it out, and consistently do solid work, but we check in and we check out. We are given an objective and we work toward that objective. That screams individual contributor, not leadership material. You will not inspire anyone with diligence and reliability. If anything, your manager or someone higher who is seen as a leader will probably be getting credit for your hard work. Working hard makes you a high performing employee and give you a higher floor. But a higher floor does not necessarily result in a higher ceiling. You have to take risks in order to raise the ceiling. 

If you are getting an objective from someone else, it means your upside is significantly capped. And all you are left with are lukewarm and mediocre feedback reviews which ultimately leads to destructive self-doubt. We start to internalize the negative feedback about ourselves and lose self-confidence, starting a vicious spiral that results in a stagnant career. We need to be proactive, and not wait to be told what to do. If you are waiting for someone else to lead you, then you are by definition a follower. Think for yourself, orchestrate a plan, and execute on that plan and lead. Don’t just blindly focus on how you’ll do something, think more about what you (and others) should be doing and why, then make it happen.

Workhorses vs. Racehorses

No one invests in their workhorses, because there is no future upside for them. They will literally be worked to death after spending a lifetime serving the needs of their owners and masters. Meanwhile, they will show utmost care and coddle their show horses and racehorses, to ensure they have every advantage in life. The contrast could not be more stark and it is sobering when you realize which type of horse you are. 

Take Risks and Advocate for Yourself

Many children of immigrants have “self-sabotaging” voices in their heads that overestimate risks and paralyze them. The much bigger risk is waking up one day and realizing that you’ve sold yourself short when it’s too late to do anything about it. When you have a scarcity mindset, you get and keep as much as you have, but you also settle for good enough. You can get comfortable and are satisfied with scraps and crumbs. You don’t advocate for yourself and you’re afraid speaking up will set you back. Value yourself and what you bring to the table more than you do. Take credit for your work and make sure others take notice. Realize when they need you more than you need them.

That’s exactly what Kim Ng did when she resigned from the Miami Marlins after they offered the role of President to someone else. Ng was the first woman general manager of a major sports league team in history and the first Asian American GM in baseball. Ng was overqualified for the job and responsible for bringing the team out of futility and into the playoffs, but she was still overlooked for the job that should have been hers. She knew her value to the Marlins organization and quit when they made it clear there was no path for her there. Kim Ng had the self-awareness and confidence that she had proven herself worthy and could find another organization that would feel the same. She has a growth mindset and knows that there will be other opportunities available to her.

Kim Ng, former General Manager of the Miami Marlins

We were conservatively raised to color within the lines and play by the rules, so as not to stand out. No one gets noticed for coloring in the lines. No one gets a promotion for doing the status quo and blending in with the crowd like a good little worker bee. Taking risks by being unconventional and thinking outside the box is what gets recognized. Pushing the boundaries may ruffle some feathers, because sometimes it’s better to beg forgiveness than ask permission. Remember that you belong in the rooms you are in, so start acting like it. You don’t need to show deference or act grateful to someone for being in the position you’re in, you earned it and they put you there for a reason. 

You Are Not Alone

It’s hard enough to build up the courage take a risk on your own, but sometimes the people who love us the most are the ones that are holding us back. They don’t want to see you fail and go through hardship. It comes from a good place, but it can make it even more difficult when your parents, spouse, siblings or friends are deterring you. I was terrified when I left my big tech job for a startup after building up my resume with brand names for so many years. Even after I started my first company as CEO and was generating millions in revenue, my mother still asked me when I was going to quit and get a job at Google! Starting a company can feel very lonely if you don’t know other founders who are going through the same unique experience. Find your tribe because they can give you the energy and support you can’t find elsewhere. If you can’t find a community, then start one. I started an Asian American founder group when I felt like I could not relate to other founders. There are plenty of modern social tools to find other like-minded people who are on the same journey as you are. Create the support network you need if you don’t have one, because it’s hard to do it alone.

Failure and Imperfection are Okay

Failure is not the enemy of success, inertia, fear and apathy are. If you failed, it means you believed in yourself enough to try.

People who succeed in life have to be willing to not only make mistakes, but fail. Experiencing failure makes you more resilient and capable of overcoming obstacles. When you are raised in an Asian immigrant household, failure is not an option. Even being less than perfect, is considered unacceptable. This mindset stems from the testing culture in Asia that determines where you are in the academic ladder of schools. Your life is supposedly determined by your test scores for high school and beyond. Families do everything to ensure that you perform well on the one day you take your entrance exams which compounds an already stressful experience. This “meritocratic” culture is brought over to America, where things are not so black and white. 

When you are raised to believe that anything less than 100% is unacceptable, you are programmed to fear taking risks and failing. The reason why many mediocre and less capable people are so confident in being right, is that they don’t believe they need to be 100% certain of having the answer. The ones who succeed tend to believe they are always right, even if they are completely wrong. Guessing and being wrong is okay. It’s about how you recover that is what makes you stronger. Part of taking risks is believing you are right, which is a reflection of believing in yourself. Leaders (racehorses) have to believe that they are right in order to lead. Workhorses believe they have to build the perfect resume so they can justify taking a risk (which is the opposite of taking a risk). If you have conviction in what you believe, you will be impatient and demand ownership/equity and leadership roles: Be Entitled. Entitlement has become a dirty word, but it can also be an empowering word. If you believe you deserve something, you will speak up for yourself and fight for what is rightfully yours. 

Self-Preservation Mode

Many Asian immigrant stories were about survival instincts and self-preservation. This culture no doubt trickles down to the next generation which results in fear of taking risks both socially and professionally. You are afraid that you could lose everything if you make a mistake or offend the wrong person by crossing an imaginary line. 

Stop being afraid you’re going to be replaced or lose your spot if you help someone else up. In reality, the more people you lift up with you, the more allies and support you will have to achieve your goals and reach your initiatives. You can’t win the game by constantly playing defense. You can only lose or tie at best. The only way to win is to go on the offensive and put points on the board. If you are always worrying about what other people are doing, you will never achieve the the things you want to achieve. If you are always afraid of the perception your peers or superiors will have of you, then you won’t take the risks you need to stand out. Being a good leader is about thinking less for yourself, and starting to think more about others. If they succeed, then you succeed. This is how you grow the pie for everyone, and as a result, for yourself. This is an abundance mindset.

Lift Others Up

Helping others normally doesn’t cost you anything but time. You can amplify their messages to your network. You can make introductions to people who can provide value. You can use your power and influence to lift up others who are climbing. You can accelerate their journey by reducing the friction for them. Get it out of your head that others need to suffer or endure the same hardships that you did to get where you are today, because you’re only perpetuating the system that held you back in the first place. You tell yourself that it helps them build character, but how much of it is actually your fear that they might replace you someday? The more space you create for others, the bigger the pie will grow. 

Take for example, my good friend Debby Soo. Debby brought along her colleagues from Kayak with her when she was promoted to CEO of OpenTable, because they were well qualified for the roles. They also happened to be Asian American women. Debby was not afraid of elevating these women, for fear of the optics or that they might be a threat to her position. She made space for them and now they are in positions where someday they might also be tapped for a top job somewhere.

OpenTable’s executive team: Chief Growth Officer Susan Lee (left), CEO Debby Soo (center), and Chief Revenue Officer Amy Wei. Photo credit: OpenTable

I’m a huge basketball fan and also a startup founder. We need to stop thinking that this is a game with a finite number of spots on a basketball roster which is limited to 12 spots. Instead we need to think of this game as a successful, high-growth startup that continues to add new roles and positions as the value of the company increases. A startup doesn’t have limited spots, Amazon and Apple were once startups and now they are trillion dollar companies. We need to start valuing assists as much as we value scoring in our communities. When you help someone score and succeed, they will remember that and hopefully either repay the favor someday or pay it forward. But we shouldn’t help others only with the expectation that we will get something in return, because that selfish mindset holds everyone back.

Stop Hoarding and Start Investing

When you are in survival mode as an immigrant with little to nothing, you are scrimping and saving every penny and dollar you get. You never know when disaster might strike and you have a medical emergency or get laid off. There is no cushion for you to land on if you fall. Your money is reserved for your family. The last thing you consider is taking risky bets and making investments that don’t have high probability of return. And you most definitely don’t give that hard-earned money away to charity or causes. 

In the summer of 2018, an Asian American film based on a best-selling book was premiering called Crazy Rich Asians directed by Jon M. Chu. A dinner was hosted at his father’s Chinese restaurant, Chef Chu’s, in Palo Alto. It was a gathering of some of the most successful Asian American tech startup founders and executives in Silicon Valley. Together they decided to buy out theaters on opening weekend with their own money, to ensure huge box office numbers. They filled the theaters with viewers, some of whom also went on to buy out more screenings that were filled with more viewers and so on and so forth. Crazy Rich Asians brought in $175 million domestically, in large part because of the room full of people at Chef Chu’s that night. Their commitment to making the film a success, has had ripple effects on Hollywood, because they proved there was an audience and demand for Asian Americans on screen. Crazy Rich Asians led to the historic 2023 Academy Awards with Everything Everywhere All at Once breaking all sorts of records and winning Best Picture, Michelle Yeoh winning Best Actress, Ke Huy Quan winning Best Supporting Actor. Many of the people in that room went on to found Gold House, which has been pivotal in fighting for Asian representation in Hollywood and elsewhere.

The cast, producer and directors of Everything Everywhere All at Once at the 2023 Academy Awards

Not all return on investment (ROI) is measured in dollars and cents. When you’re playing the long game, social capital can be much more valuable and impactful than financial capital. I’ve found that investing in people and projects that I believe in have been so rewarding. Investing in companies like MiLa, a brand that is bringing xiao long baos to Costcos and Targets across America and Simu Liu talking about them on Jimmy Kimmel Live; Supporting candidates like now Mayor Michelle Wu, the first Asian American woman mayor of a major U.S. city and Andy Kim, potentially the first Asian American Senator East of Illinois; Serving on the advisory board of the Smithsonian Asian Pacific Center, in the hopes that someday we too will have a museum on the National Mall; Producing the Emmy Award winning 38 at the Garden documentary about Jeremy Lin which has inspired so many who never knew the whole story. Whether it’s your time, talents or money, there are so many ways you can invest or donate to projects that can make a difference. There will never be a harvest if you refuse to plant the seeds. 

I realize that there’s a lot to digest here, but here are some key takeaways:

• Stand out from the crowd. No one invests in workhorses, only racehorses. Doing a good job is not enough, start takeing risks and take more credit for yourself.

• Advocate for yourself. Start behaving like you belong in the room instead of acting like you are grateful to be there.

• Color outside the lines and take risks. You can’t play not to lose, you have to play to win. If you’re waiting until you have the perfect resume or enough security to afford to take a risk, then it’s not taking a risk at all. Stop worrying about what others are doing, and put points on the board. Make bigger bets.

• Don’t do it alone. Find a community of like-minded people as a support network. If you can’t find one, start one.

• Failure is an option. It’s perfectly fine to make mistakes and even fail. You don’t need to be 100% right all of the time. You don’t need to be perfect in order to succeed. Failure makes you more resilient and you learn from your mistakes. Stop going for singles and swing for the fences, it’s okay if you swing and miss.

• Lift others up and don’t be afraid to ask for help. The more you help others, the more the pie grows and benefits everyone: Make that deal, mentor or promote that person, make that unsolicited introduction, like and repost that LinkedIn post to your network. Reduce friction for others that you faced on your journey. Be proactive about helping others.

• Invest and donate your time and money. Support projects and people or donate to causes that can make an impact beyond financial or personal gain. Start thinking past yourself and think about the bigger picture. Build social capital and learn how to play the long game. 

These essays are another form of investment. Writing essays is time consuming, and time is not something I have a lot of these days. But I know that essays can effectively reach many readers and hopefully have a profound effect on their lives. I write these essays to challenge the notions many of us were brought to believe, notions that were ingrained in us from a young age by our immigrant parents as well as from social interactions and media portrayals. The immigrant mentality of scarcity may hold us back, but that immigrant relentlessness and grit is a gift that we have inherited as well. An abundance mindset with perseverance is a powerful and winning combination. 

Think about life as playing blackjack at a casino. The immigrant mindset will tell you to look for the $10 and $20 tables where you will sit and make conservative bets. You may lose your money, or you might even win a little bit of money. But on the very same hands, if you bet bigger, you can win bigger too. That’s how other people play in life, they make bigger wagers and focus more on the potential upside reward and less on the downside risk. 

You don’t win the game by playing it safe, you win by taking chances, being strategic and working as a team. James Harden recently said he’s the system, and that’s why he’ll always be a loser, because he only plays for himself. Steph Curry knows he needs his team and wins because he lifts up his team, just as they lift him up. The more we play for one another, the more likely we are to win and succeed as a team. We need to think more about the bigger picture and realize we’re playing the long game. Too many people are focused on their own stats and only the first quarter, instead of the fact that there are four quarters in a game. We need to take more chances, bet on ourselves and our community, and realize we are playing for future generations. We need to stop holding back, because we have a lot of ground to make up. The moment we stop thinking only about what we have, and start thinking about what we could have, is when the change can begin.